Joke of the day! (No Memes)

George Washington passed away in 1799 and the first dinosaur fossil wasn’t discovered until 1864.
So, he lived his entire life without ever knowing dinosaurs existed.
 
The menu said Mahi Mahi, but I was
not that hungry so I just ordered Mahi.
 
I got up this morning and
did my push ups in the nude.
I didn't see the mousetrap.
 
My daughter and I were watching Star Wars. She asked why Luke was climbing inside the Tauntaun.
“To keep warm,” I said.
She thought about it for a second, then asked, “How warm is it in there?”
I looked at her and replied, “Lukewarm.”
 
I grilled a chicken for two hours…
Still wouldn’t tell me why it crossed the road
 
A robber broke into a college bookstore this morning and stole $15,000 worth of textbooks.
Thankfully, police were able to fully recover and return both books to the school.
 
What was known as the 69 sex Position,
has been upgraded to 96 due to "Tariffs".
 
I had a Russian Uber driver the other day…
His name was Pikup Andropov
 
Just found the absolute worst page in the dictionary.
What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.
 
It's hard to believe after all this time,
but the Titanic swimming pool is still full of water.
 
How many names can also pass as numbers?
I can only think of Juan.
 
How did the blonde break her legs raking leaves?
How?
She fell out of the tree.
 
Back then, you used to be able to get air for free at the gas station, but now it's $1...
That's inflation for you.
 
Do you know why a woman closes her eyes during sex?
I sure do, she can't stand to see a man have a good time.
 
If I was a NASCAR driver, and my name was "Dick Trickle",
I'm going to probably change it.
 
Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.
 
JDMeister said:
The menu said Mahi Mahi, but I was
not that hungry so I just ordered Mahi.
Click to expand...
Just don't order Ma thinking you're getting a snack!!
It's not what you think!
Some dude in the back was yelling then some children were crying...wtf???
LMAO
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top